Hair continues to grow on Nunn’s nerves - Huron Daily Tribune

jembutikal.blogspot.com

I sympathize.

I sympathize with every woman (or man) I have ever heard complain about their hair.

I sympathize not because I am having a bad hair day, but because I continue to have a bad hair life.

I can trace my hair “problems” back to many people on both sides of my family, but somehow those problems seemingly skipped my father, who was known for the long hair he rocked most of his life.

Me? Well, I had long hair when I was in high school, until I tried to find my first job in Northern Michigan in the late 90s. Then I learned that regardless of how well I dressed, my long hair would earn my job application a quick trip to file 13.

So I cut the long locks I had worked hard to grow, and when doing so I ended up with two additional problems, one of which still plagues me today.

When I cut my long hair, it seemed my follicles enjoyed their freedom and sprang to life, leaving me with a permed appearance for the better part of a year.

I fought that fluff tooth and nail, trying virtually any remedy I could think of, including sleeping in a baseball cap after taking a shower. However, all of my efforts were utter failures, and I was left with a bushy head of hair. That was, until one day, after admitting defeat and stopping all of my efforts to fight it, that I woke up with my hair lying straight on my head.

The other problem I discovered when cutting my hair has remained, and spread significantly.

At the age of 15 I found my first gray hair. At first I found it amusing. However, that amusement turned to annoyance as I found myself, or my hair at least, as the brunt of the jokes by the 40-, 50- and 60-year-old coworkers when I was a wholesale lumber salesman. At the time, my hair closely resembled the back of a silverback gorilla, when I had two very silvery patches behind my ears with otherwise very dark hair.

Twice I have tried hiding my gray with hair dye, but I gave that up rather quickly because my hair grew too fast.

My hair has always grown fast, and it is super thick. I am not sure how much everyone else’s hair weighs, but even with hair only an inch long, I swear mine weighs about 40 pounds. Also, because of the thickness, it feels like I am wearing a wool blanket on my noggin.

Tired of the heat, sick of summer, burdened by the weight of the my hair, about 10 years ago I started buzzing my hair during the summer months. Then about five years ago I started going full cue ball when I couldn’t take it anymore. I found the action quite relieving apart from the few slices I would leave on my scalp the first time of the season.

If you haven’t shaved your head before, you might not know the stages of regrowth. At first, the newly bald scalp is ridiculously dry despite being notoriously oily. Then, the five o’clock shadow appears and anything will stick to your head like velcro. This isn’t a huge issue except for when you go to put on or take off a shirt, when if it's done without care, it feels like you are literally scalping yourself. After the stubble grows just a bit more, your hair no longer feels prickly, but instead velvety, and I find myself forgoing the usual beard pet for wisdom for a little noggin scratching instead.

This year, this brush across my stubbled head revealed something I haven’t noticed. I am going bald.

I have a patch of scalp about the size of a silver half dollar that is bald as a baby’s butt and free of stubble. Suddenly I am left processing. Do I find relief that soon my body will free me of a burden of haircuts or do I mourn the hair that I have long hated? Should I maintain a close cut? Should I begin growing out my hair, crafting a giant sledge and begin smashing watermelons like Gallagher? If it weren’t for the rapid growth of what little hair remains, I might confront my coulrophobia, dye it bright red, paint my face white and sport a big red nose.

I reckon this is retribution for the numerous times I have picked on my cousins for their premature balding. I guess we can start a new club or something.

Scott Nunn is the assistant editor of the Huron Daily Tribune. He and his remaining hair can be reached at scott.nunn@hearstnp.com.

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