The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 13-19) - HuffPost

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Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.

Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

my two year old just said “mommy why is life the same every day?” like damn existential queen! u tell me
— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 16, 2021

THE SHINING remains a hugely empathetic portrait of a guy trying to get some work done with a child around
— Adam Nayman (@brofromanother) March 13, 2021

How to bake with toddlers: Don’t
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 18, 2021

Parents telling each other how tired they are pic.twitter.com/zqWUD17Av1
— lilswizzy (@MotherPlaylist) March 16, 2021

Think my son finally figured out that I have no clue how to parent
— Trey (@treydayway) March 19, 2021

My baby's "hello" greeting is an open-mouth kiss that can only be described as "Drunk Mardi Gras Girl Thinks She's in Love."
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) March 18, 2021

childrens books are a mess 😩it will be like “mommy clomps into the kitchen in her high heels and bakes! daddy is funny!”
— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) March 17, 2021

Can we stop with the “terrible twos” and “threenagers” and “FML fours” and just admit that kids are dicks until they move out?
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) March 15, 2021

dads be like pic.twitter.com/UE1vDuDOER
— the thicc husband & father (@lukeisamazing) March 18, 2021

Nobody learns to parkour faster than a parent chasing a toddler with a sharpie.
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 14, 2021

My favorite part of getting a child ready for school is when she says, "Oh yeah, it's Spirit Week and I need to dress like a giraffe today."
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 18, 2021

Welcome to parenthood. There are now lip-shaped imprints on all of your window panes.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 15, 2021

We’ve officially spent more time finding a name for our roomba than our second child
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 14, 2021

they say toddlers are too young to wear makeup, but hear me out pic.twitter.com/97IaHnwrDY
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) March 17, 2021

I’m sorry I missed your childhood, son. I was at the grocery store trying to get a clear plastic bag open without licking my fingers.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 14, 2021

4: whats a pussy nap

me: a WHAT

4: A PUSSY NAP

me: you meant a CAT nap? it’s a short nap

4: then why-

me: here’s your ipad that’s enough questions for today
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 18, 2021

My son told me he kept having hot flashes so he googled his symptoms to see what might be going on.

Menopause. He said he has menopause.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 14, 2021

My kid took off his wellies and snowsuit in one seamless move then left it all on the floor.

I walked in the room and almost went into cardiac arrest. pic.twitter.com/Dys1kx2NP3
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) March 18, 2021

My 3 year old always looks and then says, "what happened??" like he's witnessed some sort of calamity when the answer is usually just, "the wind is blowing."
— ☕New-ish Mom🍷 (@LifeThrewLemons) March 18, 2021

My 4yo called me a blob and I’ve never been more offended by an accurate description of me
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) March 18, 2021

Things that command kids attention, in order from strongest to weakest:
1. tv
2. airplane flying by
3. chocolate
4. anything they know they’re not supposed to play with
5. bubbles
6. dirt
7. their parent’s voice
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 18, 2021